Dear Toby,
I am Fluff, a representative of the Squirrel Gang (we're Squirrels and we're in a Gang). I have gone to great lengths to infiltrate this Blog site in order to bring you an important message.
You might not be aware but as you wake up today it will be your 1st Birthday. Mummy will probably make a bit of extra fuss and sing you a special song called Happy Birthday. Daddy will probably sing it too, but not as nicely/in-tune as Mummy. They might make you what they call a special breakfast. It will probably be the same as what you usually have, except that Mummy will spend some extra time helping you eat it and/or entertaining you as you eat. Make sure you eat normally - you will need your strength later.
They will probably have chosen/bought a new outfit for you to wear especially for your birthday. It might be blue. It might have some reference to it being your birthday on it - the number 1, something about you being a big boy, perhaps a character from your favorite TV show holding a cake or a gift. You should just go along with this as it will be useful for getting extra attention from other people later on in the day. You usually won't have to wear this again as it will be put away in a sealed box to be used when you are much, much older. We will be in touch again in the future to teach you how to use the outfit to your benefit, e.g. when courting potential girlfriends.
The phone will likely ring quite a bit as family and friends call to wish you a happy birthday. Remember, you can't talk yet so you probably won't get to speak to these people. Don't let this bother you. Even though they are calling under the guise of wishing you a happy birthday, they most likely only really want to talk with your Mummy or Daddy. That's just part of the game and you should just be prepared to play along with it - you'll get more than enough attention when you see those same people later in the day (particularly if you have managed not to make a mess on the special outfit I referred to earlier).
At some point you should expect to be sat down on the floor (because you can do that yourself now) and be given something wrapped in funny, colourful paper. This is the good bit. However, it's important that you follow the rules in order to ensure that Mummy and Daddy get the perfect photo of you opening it. So, pay close attention to what I am about to tell you as it is the secret of not only a successful 1st birthday but also of how to ensure the portfolio of baby Toby photographs is complete. You only get one chance at this.
Ready? OK, so here it goes.
Whatever you do, DO NOT show any interest at all in the contents of the wrapping paper. The gift itself means nothing to you or to the photograph that will be taken. Instead, focus all your energy in making a mess of the wrapping paper, ribbon, tape, etc. Get it stuck to your hands. Try to eat it. Roll around on it and smile. Perhaps dribble a bit so the paper gets wet and sticks to your face. All of the above are great techniques to help you achieve the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT part of your 1st Birthday mission.
If you follow my advice you will be successful. You will have a great day. Mummy and Daddy will have a great day. And they will love you even more. Which, of course, is what this little game is all about.
Happy Birthday T.
Good luck,
Fluff and The Squirrel Gang
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